My Journal 5/10/2010

It is possible for the best years of our life, the best experiences, the best fought & won, the best services performed, to be overshadowed by failure, defeat dishonor, and useless. We cannot let times of rare promise and achievement to end in disappointment. Yesterdays failures can eat up today's victories, and today's victories can eat up yesterdays failures. Use the time and your life to be victorious daily looking at failures as opportunities for growth and victory in a life well lived as a GOAL... (BMO/2010)

My Journal Entry 5/4/2010

I pray that the writing of my journal will speak less of self doubt, of despair, and self consciousness as time passes. Each day reveals to me my inheritance in the Lord and just like a piece of land I will work to cultivate it until it is fruitful. Not forgetting who I was, but striving towards who He wants me to be… (BMO 5/4/2010)
Everyday since the fall of the company and the resulting legal issues that followed, I have taken inventory of all decisions both negative and positive from the early years of my life. It did not take me coming to a Federal Prison Camp to reveal to me my shortcomings. Those were revealed when I made every stupid decision. I had spent many hours, before I came here, trying to understand who I was and why I made the decisions that I made. My contemplation of events disgusted me. I decided at that time that they would never be repeated and I began down the road of the commitment of change but as I wrote above the pain of those decisions continued to haunt me. God revealed some things to me recently and I will share one of the most recent journal issues.

Psalm 37: 23-25

The steps of man are established by the Lord and He delights in His way. When he fails he will not be hurled head long. Because the Lord is the one who holds his hand. I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his descendents begging bread.

The Devil Aims High

A really dear friend of mine recently went home to his family and selfishly it was a sad day for me. Cowboy, as I will refer to him for his love for western novels, had been here close to a year in a situation that was so hard to believe. I still cannot understand why he even had to be here but he was. He was a strong Christian man, older and distinguished, with peace that only God could provide. I enjoyed our visits and he helped me cope with the sadness, anger, and overall hopelessness that overcome me daily. In getting to know him and who he was in his heart I shared with him this truth several days before he left.

The Devil Aims High

And Jesus being full of the Hold Spirit returned from Jordan and was led by the spirit into the wilderness, being forty days tempted by the devil. Luke 4:1-2

What strikes me of this passage it that Jesus was full of the Holy Spirit and was led by the Holy Spirit and He was still tempted! Is it not any different for you and I? Temptation and trials come on a man when he is closest to God. The devil pulls all his strongest power to topple a man who is close to God.

Think about it! Peter walked with Christ and denied Him! He said he didn't even know him. Lets face it, Satan attacked me and I crumbled. I chose easy because of fear. I chose procrastination over conflict. That was the past.

Here is what I know now!

God allows temptations and trials because is does what storms do fro the oak trees- It drives the roots deep -, it does what the fire does for paintings on porcelain - it makes it permanent.

I wrote to cowboy on the day of his departure: Cowboy the devil aimed high when he got you with this trial. Thank you for your encouragement. You drove your roots deeper and made your painting permanent and through it all gave me HOPE!

Upon his parting he had a set of saddlebags made in the leather shop here at the camp. I had drawn a picture earlier in my stay and he asked if he could proudly have the image placed on one side of the bag. He was to use the bags in hi new ministry of helping kids. I felt honored and have included the picture for all to see.

The picture is based on Psalms 1:2-3

I love you all and count the days till my return.

In Him,

Bryan

The Manna

It has really been put on my heart of late to share my experiences, the manna, that the Lord has FED me with in my wilderness. I will share these thoughts and revelations weekly. A glimpse, if you will, into my world and I hope you are blessed by the words as I have been blessed by each truth that He has revealed.

As a side note, my daughter and niece are helping me to post these stories and I am so blessed to have each one. They encourage me daily more than they ever know.